Thursday, February 14, 2013

Theoretical Disney

 Tonight, or today, whenever you're reading this, I have decided to make a post about the reality of fantasy of the 3 most weird classic Disney movies. Now, I know this is kind of strange, considering it is Valentine's Day (or as I say, Anti-Valentine's Day) and I'm blogging about conspiracy theories about Disney tales. But, hey, it's my blog, my rules. Kind of like the 'my house, my rules' saying... Now that I realize, if this was a house, it would be VERY disorganized. Well, depending on who disorganized it, that would be quite a puzzle to solve. It was me, then I would know where I stuffed the crap. You know, I'm getting off topic. That shows this house would be messy. Well, back to the main topic. Disney. Conspiracy. Theories. By the way, it's my thoughts, so please add what you think below if you want to catch along!

1. Alice in Wonderland

Oh, little Alice. This is by far my favorite classic movie because of all the screwed up things that happen. This chick eats a bunch of crap that makes stuff happen to her, and sees magical plant and animals and people. This shows that this girl could be on shrooms. Considering she is, what, about 9, is kind of a frightening story. This is the literal story: The girl is with her sister and then becomes drowsy. She then falls asleep and then dreams that she enters this mad world. She eats special cake and drinks some sort of substance and then enters a forest. She goes on a quest and encounters many strange things and people. A lot of these things/people are quite rude to her. Now, from what I could conspire here is that this story is basically telling a story of a drug addict with abusive people in her life.

2. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 

Sweet, sweet Snow White. Such innocence and effervescence, who on Earth would want to ruin her spirits? Well the Evil Queen, but besides that, the story. Literal story: Snow lives with her evil stepmother, who is really a witch, and then needs to escape from her evil clutches. She then finds a cottage and then becomes the care taker of the Seven Dwarfs. They are very fond of her, and become protective. One day, they go mining, and the Evil Queen comes in the form of an old woman and gives Snow a poisonous apple. The dwarfs return and freak out, and then find out she needs true love's kiss. A prince comes and kisses her, the rest is history! Now from what I take, this story is about a clueless girl who lives with her evil stepmother. She has 7 over protective and careless boyfriends, and then the 8th one is finally kind to her. She then changes her clueless ways and gets away from her evil stepmom. Honestly, I like the Once Upon A Time twist on this story better than the original!

3. Cinderella

This one also is quite similar to the previous story. Wow, Disney really likes woman to have abusive pasts. Anyways, in the story, the stepmother isn't a witch, and Cinderella temporarily runs away. She goes to a ball, has a blast with the prince and the stepmom and the stepsisters get pissed off. The prince eventually finds her after she left her glass slipper and they live happily ever after after she gets away from the stepmother. Now my twist on the story is Cinderella is a slut and she goes off with her sister's boyfriend to rave party. She is a wild child and confides in her drug dealer 'the Godmother', who many times, let's her crash in her apartment after rave parties. She has pet rats, which her stepmother hates. The stepmother is misunderstood, and only wants the best for Cinderella. At the end, the boyfriend leaves the sister to be with Cindy. You see what drugs can do, kids?


  1. Are the hearts permanent? They're just not you. As far as animation goes, I'm more of a Madagascar type girl. I went to college with Melman. He said hi to me in my dorm. He was a really nice guy. Probably still is.

    1. Haha! No, I will eventually change them, I just put them temporarily...You went to school with David Schwimmer?!?!

    2. Yes, we are both old. Northwestern has a wonderful theater program. He is obviously an overachiever, and I am definitely an underachiever. Ha. (I was not a theater major.)